


Cri de Coeur

by obiwanobi



Series: falling up [1]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, always-a-Sith Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28792971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obiwanobi/pseuds/obiwanobi
Summary: There is a Sith on his knees at his door, and Obi-Wan is wearing his fuzzy slippers.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Series: falling up [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109726
Comments: 9
Kudos: 379





	Cri de Coeur

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for a [prompt](https://obiwanobi.tumblr.com/post/638859837057466368/catch-me-thinking-about-sith-anakin-who-got-in-a) on tumblr, because I can't help myself when it comes to men begging for salvation.

He didn’t mean to kill him.

Well, not at first.

He didn’t mean to kill Sidious, but pulling his lightsaber from his lifeless corpse only felt like complete satisfaction. A weight on his shoulders he didn’t know he carried disappeared, letting him stand up above the body of his master— _former_ master, and gaze upon what was left of him.  
A shapeless form on the ground. A dark cape around an old man playing at being a god. A begging mess of futile promises when he realised it was the end for him. 

As mindless fury leaves him, his ragged breathing slows down and his fist unclenches around his saber.  
_Sidious is dead._  
Now that the adrenaline rush is gone, his knees start shaking.  
_His Master is dead._  
His face is wet with sweat and blood and tears.  
_Dead and now Anakin has no one._

And then… 

And then fear.

* * *

“You know,” Ahsoka groans as the water starts boiling, “I don’t understand how you got your reputation of Cool Jedi Master. Other padawans think I’m lying when I tell them you wear the ugliest slippers at home and gets excited by new tisanes.”

“You gifted me those slippers.”

“As a joke. And you still wear them.”

“I’m not going to throw away perfectly good slippers.” Obi-Wan wiggles his toes under the red and yellow fuzzy monstrosities, just to see his padawan rolls her eyes. “And they’re really comfortable.”

“So you’re just going to stay there, then? Your whole battalion is out celebrating our first day of leave since forever, but you prefer to drink your tea alone and go to bed at 22:00?”

“No one wants an authority figure around when they’re letting loose and celebrating, Ahsoka,” Obi-Wan says, pouring hot water in his cup. He raises the kettle towards his padawan as a question, to which she shakes her head. “I thought you would be happy to see me putting sleep before work for once.”

“I am, Master, but I thought it could be…” She trails off, fidgeting with the hilt of her sabers. For once, she looks like a typical padawan, just like he was at her age, dying to enjoy one night away from the temple and any kind of responsibilities.

“It’s alright my dear,” he sighs, “you can join them if you want.”

Ahsoka suddenly perks up. “I can?”

“If you’re old enough to be sent to the front, I think you can handle yourself for one night on Coruscant.”

“Thank you Master! I promise I’ll be careful and not come back too late!”

“You do that, and– wait, Ahsoka,” he adds as she’s already halfway through the door, “make sure to stay around Cody! And no alcohol of any kind! And don’t lose your lightsaber at sabacc again!”

“That was you!” she yells from the end of the corridor, “don’t worry, I’ll be fine! Don’t wait for me to go to bed! Goodnight Master!”

Obi-Wan smiles, blowing on his cup. He already sent a message to Cody earlier to keep an eye on her, so he knows she’s in good hands.

He has his herbal tea, his ugly slippers, no reports to read or write, and no immediate Separatist menace to plan for. For once, a perfectly good night to catch up on sleep and meditation.

So, of course, something has to be wrong.

The Force is bright. The Force is lighter than it has ever been for the past few years.

And Obi-Wan can’t understand why. 

It’s not just him that can feel it: Ahsoka has acted chipper since, more like the teenager she is, laughing with the clones and playfully teasing him the whole fly back to Coruscant. The temple has felt livelier than ever when they arrived, Jedi from all ages going about their day with a new spring in their step, greeting each other warmly in the corridors. Even Master Yoda has taken a few minutes during their Council meeting to note the shift in the Force. No Master could pinpoint the origin of this change, but all agreed that something good happened somewhere in the galaxy, and they were just feeling ripples of the effect in the Force.

Still now, the whole temple feels a bit more like it used to, before the war, and all Jedi are a bit happier without knowing why.

Only Obi-Wan feels like a noose tightening around him. Whatever it is, it’s slowing making its way around his presence in the Force. Focusing on him and him alone. Doesn’t matter how much Obi-Wan tries to hide himself, it’s getting closer and never slowing down or losing interest.

Needless to say, Obi-Wan has a bad feeling about this.

But after almost three years of war, sullen faces and grim expressions, he doesn’t feel like dampening the sudden good mood around the Temple just with a few words.  
He can probably deal with whatever it is by himself.

His tisane is cold when he finally emerges from his meditation.  
Nothing is clearer than when he started: the Force is deaf to his questions and inquiries, still light as a breeze. An airy unconcern for his restlessness. And yet, a thick pressure still looms around him, getting heavier each passing second now.

His fingers start pulling on his collar.

The clock on the wall indicates that he lied to Ahsoka when he said he was going to bed at a respectable time today. No diurnal Jedi would still be up right now, but he still considers going out to knock at Mace’s door. Narrowed eyes and a very long sigh will be his first answer, but Obi-Wan knows that Mace would never refuse to hear him out.  
Yes, he finally decides when the pressure seems to creep even closer to him, it’s worth waking up Mace.

He opens his door, wondering if he should take his robe with him, and instantly stops walking.

There, in the empty corridor of the Jedi Temple, at his door and on his knees, is a Sith.  
He knows it’s a Sith only because he recognises this specific mass of hair, the large shoulders, the dishevelled dark robe.  
He knows it’s a Sith because he has crossed path with this one enough times on the battlefield to recognise him anywhere. Outside of it a few times too.  
He isn’t sure it’s a Sith when the Sith raises his head up, bloody and bruised face torn in an agonizing expression, and his eyes are blue.

“I— I didn’t know where to go,” Darth Vader says quietly, with the kind of voice expected from a lost child. It gives Obi-Wan a second shock to hear his voice, making his presence suddenly real. “You said… You said if I ever wanted to, if I needed help one day, you would— I could—”

Obi-Wan remembers it. He remembers all the times he offered his help. His pleas for him to stop the violence, the appeals to reason, the multiple suggestions of a gentler path. His hand continuously outreached but never taken. He remembers the burning gold of the Sith’s eyes too, and his black cape floating above the dead clones at his feet.

His laughter the first time Obi-Wan brought up the idea of lowering their blades and talking around a cup of tea. His sneer the third time Obi-Wan tried to change his misconceptions about the Jedi Order and play-flirt with him in the same breath. The silence the fifth time Obi-Wan asked him his name, his real name, the one a parent gave him.

The tears the last time he gave it to him.

“And you’re always trying to _save_ me,” Vader adds more forcefully now, like the words anger him, “you’re always here, showing up almost every time I’m sent somewhere with your stupid smile and stupid words, and you’re always nice, and… and _teasing_ , and disappointed when I kill someone, like you expect me to be better, and I don’t _understand_ you, but…”

Vader raises his hand towards him, and it’s only this sudden move that shakes Obi-Wan out of his stupor.  
Before the Sith can touch his leg, Obi-Wan calls his lightsaber to him, ignites it in one fluid motion, half-expecting Vader to be up and swaying his saber in his face by now. But the Sith is still on his knees, and it’s only now that the blue light of his blade is above him that Obi-Wan realises the state he’s in. His face isn’t the only thing bruised and battered: his dark tunic is stained with blood and ripped in more than one place, one of his arms is bent in an unnatural way, and it looks like a cut above his hairline is still bleeding, making his curls stick to his face in a mess of wet hair and burned skin.

“Vader,” Obi-Wan says slowly, when his thoughts finally regain a semblance of coherence. A rapid investigation through the Force assures him that no other enemy is around and the calm and quiet of the night in the Temple isn’t a prequel for a storm. “How did you get in here? What are you doing here? How—”

Vader’s hand, stuck in the space between them, reaches once again for Obi-Wan.  
Foolishly, Obi-Wan lets him.  
His fingers twist themselves in the fabric of his pants.

“He made me killed them all.” Vader wobbles on his knees for a second, the hand on Obi-Wan’s leg gripping it tighter. “No platoons, no battle droids. Just me. He sent me to the power station and I cut through them so easily, so quickly, they didn’t even fight back, and I didn’t think that…” he trails off, panting. “Until…. until I saw the electro-whips." 

"Are you talking about Naphtla?” he asks when Vader doesn’t seem to be able to continue.

Naphtla. Outer Rim. Barely on the Republic radar until this afternoon, when nearby troops answered a distress signal and found a hidden Separatist power station operated by slaves. A third of them were dead, killed only a few hours before, and the survivors turned to the Republic for immediate support. _Slaughtered like animals_ , the rescue team reported to the Council only a few hours ago, _by one single man wielding a red lightsaber_. According to witnesses, the darksider cut through the slaves like bantha butter, killing everyone in his path without discrimination, until he stopped for no apparent reason and abruptly left.

“You were the one who killed the people at the station there,” Obi-Wan realises out loud, horrified, “the slaves from Zygerria.”

Vader snaps his head up and his fingers tighten painfully around Obi-Wan’s knee. “I DIDN’T KNOW!”

All Obi-Wan’s senses and logical thoughts urge him to back out, put an end to this nonsensical charade, raise his lightsaber between them, get away from the dark, hungry void Vader generates in the Force.

But his eyes are looking up to him. Gripping his gaze with the same intensity as his hand on his leg. Bloodied face and pleading, on his knees. Full of tears.

Obi-Wan doesn’t push Vader’s hand away.

“I didn’t know they were slaves, I didn’t!”

“Vader.”

“He never said! He sent me without telling him, he knows I don't—” A small noise sounding suspiciously like a sob swallows the rest of his words.

“Vader, who sent—”

“When I came back,” he tries again, quieter. Obi-Wan opens his mouth to ask about this _he_ , but Vader’s head lolls for a second, too heavy to support, before butting gently against Obi-Wan’s leg. Vader makes no effort to move, content to stay there, and after a second, a small, almost timid nuzzle against his thigh sends a series of shivers through Obi-Wan’s spine. It shuts him up instantly. “When I came back, he looked at me for so, so long, before saying that he knew, he _knew_ I was going to fail, that I was… just like them after all, and that I could never… And I was so mad, so angry at him, so I… I…”

The last words are muffled by the fabric Vader clings to. Hides into. There’s blood on Obi-Wan’s pants now.

“What have you done, Vader?” Obi-Wan asks, softer than he intended. “Vader,” he asks again when no reply comes, without success. The hand not holding his lightsaber moves, hesitates for a moment, then settles lightly on Vader’s hair, mindful not to touch any open wounds. His fingers nudge him to tip his head back, gently, carefully, and settle on his cheek to hold his face up, looking at him. “Anakin.” His name, his true name, makes him blink a few times. “Anakin, what have you done?”

“I killed him,” he finally admits, barely audible. He looks exhausted, more like a child in need of rest than ever.

“Who did you kill?”

“My master.”

“Dooku? You killed Dooku?”

“No,” Vader— _Anakin_ frowns, like Obi-Wan should know better. “Sidious.”

It’s a bit much to process in one day. Another Sith Lord, Vader’s master, concealed and kept a secret, now dead, killed by his apprentice —and does that make Vader the ruling Sith Lord now? Do Sith have rulers?— the lightness in the Force the same day, a half-dead Vader begging for help in the middle of the night in the Jedi Temple, and all of that while Obi-Wan is still wearing his ugly slippers.

He’s so glad he sent Ahsoka away for the night.

Anakin doesn’t let him time to feel the migraine coming.

“I can’t do it, I can’t be my master, I can't— and Dooku _hates_ me, he will never help me, even if I let him have it all, he will never…” Vader seems to run out of steam and lets his eyes close as his head falls once again against Obi-Wan’s thigh. Closer. “You said you could help me. You said I could come to you at any time. You said you would always be there if I didn’t want to… do this, anymore.”

“I did,” Obi-Wan assures him, his hand lightly petting his hair again.

Anakin lets out a long breath. His fingers tighten on the fabric of Obi-Wan’s pants, loosen, and tighten again.

“You’re the only one I trust,” the Sith quietly tells the Jedi, and it’s the saddest thing Obi-Wan has ever heard.


End file.
